DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
