Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
