HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
