My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
