it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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