I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
