I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
