last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
