Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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