Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize