yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
