I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
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Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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