Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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