So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
