i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
