The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
