We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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