I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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