Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
