I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
