I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize