I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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