i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
