with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
