We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
