Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
