You're completely useless in the revolution.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
