I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
