at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
