I skipped work to stalk him.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
