no, he came in my armpit
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
