I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize