I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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