Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
