Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
