Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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