Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
