So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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