look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
