Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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