I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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