the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
