cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
