whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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