I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We left the knife in your bed.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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