Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
