woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
