Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
