either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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