..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm jealous of your bromance
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
