I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize