maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
