My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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