So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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