She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
