marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
