he shaved USA in his pubs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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