Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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