I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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