so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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