I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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