Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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