The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
