i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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