I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
